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"You have such pretty eyes"

Usually when I've put a nice eyeshadow on!

Ah what a day..Its The Blackout day :) much like Rex Manning day in the film EMPIRE RECORDS,only without the offering of oneself to a band member.(Watch the film and it'll make sense.)
My knee still hurts and i didn't realise how sketchy my memory of the night was till today :s
I have the dubious honour of house sitting next week..kinda fun.
Its raining..heavily, and i could murder a cigarette..maybe out the window when everyone goes to sleep..if i can stay awake


And remember, it's high tide baby!!

was good good good

My feet hurt and i have a very very bruised knee and i was even drunk!!

Worth every second though

How strange to be sober on a friday night, and to be in bed so early..watching the classic Labyrinth.
Tonight was a bit strange. After a bit of tension me n the guy i feel so much for had a good giggle at our mates. After the kiss last week i'm glad things have stayed cool between us...coulda lost one of my best friends.
Tomorrow night we head out to the capitol to party it up in style. O, and the bed stayed together :)

Man,i had a proper ranting post all ready to go last night..my software crashed n i'm kinda glad. People woulda got hurt.
Today's rant however, is about my bed. Its rubbish. Part of the frame is held together by strong tape stuff..and i'm scared to go to sleep incase i end up going through the frame. If i make it through the night i shall report back

When Elton John wrote Sorry seems to be the Hardest Word, bloody hell was he right.

There are so many things I'm sorry for, to other people and to myself too...cos I've not always been good to myself either.

Things I should have said and done would probably mean nothing now, raking over old ground would just hurt more...but i still think about these things and silently appologise everyday.

So here it is

To all those people I hurt by not telling them where I was,and not coming back for 6 months I'm sorry.

To me, I'm sorry for letting Him walk all over me and get me into the situation I'm in now...I Promise this time he's not coming back, however hard he's trying

To You, my best friend and the person I feel the most for in my life right now...I'm sorry that I can't tell you, and that I walk out of rooms when it gets too intense between us. Maybe one day I'll get over my fear and you'll find out.

Feeling much better today

Slept for longer than usual, which must have cleared my head.

Still a little confused but hey ho life goes on.

Been looking for my dress for the wedding online today, which has been quite fun. Who knew the mothership had taste?

Am now ensconced in the little room upstairs to avoid being recruited to help clean..who wants to do that on Sundays??

I'm actually feeling myself again, so my display pic is actually me for a change!!
Although i'm dressed as a fairy and COVERED in glitter. Memories of a fantastic night with fantastic friends who i miss....lots.

Dark times seem to lie ahead.
After feeling that my thoughts were to scrambled to put down, i seem to have started to clear my head a little....

I am in a very dangerous situation with someone i care too much for...he is one of my best friends, and i dont know what to do about the way i feel...he accepts me for who i am but would he ever see me in that way? I highly doubt it.

I also have to contend with wedding plans in our house, which drives me further to distraction. the mothership has told me to invite said friend....i dunno
i feel that i cannot win whatever i try

emotions are too difficult to deal with

Hmm...very stressed out. Not the happiest of bunnies to be perfectly honest. Men..you're all so complicated. I just don't get it..how hard do i have to try to get you to notice me lol...well one bloke in particular at least. Will i ever be loved again? I doubt it

lots of people have been wondering whats happened to me lately....lots of texts on my birthday came with a tag line of where the hell are you,from online friends and my pub mates.So to let you know...i've taken up an nvq as a classroom assistant,which means i go to school 2 days a week with a fantastic group of 7 year olds at my old primary school and go to collage 1 day a fortnight.I work part time in a local supermarket for beer money.I loves it and have really rediscovered myself.and i have a new hairdo

o boy
have i made the biggest mistake of my life...

well possibly two

I've taken on this new job (i'm bunking off today shhhhhhh keep it a secret) and its not what I thought when i applied/interviewed...I've got to keep at it thought, even if "direct marketing" isnt for me

and i've also managed to become a shoulder to cry on for two of my friends...all well and good...problem is they're in a relationship and She cries to me about Him and He wants me to help Him work it out with Her

Sometimes being a good friend is the wrong thing to do too :/

So Yeah

lifes a bit shit innit

My childhood is being sold...i have to pick up and move on to something else..

Life really isnt fair

I thought i'd found love but he's a fake

Where do i go from here?

gah

I'm sorry..

I'm sorry..

if I'm not skinny enough for you to see my ribs.







I'm sorry..

if I'm not pretty enough to be "your girl".







I'm sorry..

if I'm not tan enough for you.







I'm sorry..

if I'm not a playboy model so I don't act like a porn star for you.







I'm sorry..

If i don't have a dream body that turns you on.






I'm sorry..

if i won't drop down to my knees to get you to like me







I'm sorry..

if my hair is not long enough.







I'm sorry..

if I'm not the "hottest" girl you have ever seen.








But most of all...

I'm sorry that most guys can't accept a girl for who they really are.















Yup its a bit of a rant day today

Why haven't men got the balls to actually SAY what they think

I went on a date recently, The guy was lovely, seen him a few times out in town and such since, he always talks to me if he sees me BUT through the wonder of Myspace I find out he's dating someone else

now, i'm not so bothered about that, just the fact that he's had me hanging on without saying anything...

so boys - Its not big and its not clever to keep girls hanging on, thats the way hearts break

Yup...today thats EXACTLY how i feel

so keeping in theme with my life at the moment (all i've done lately is HP related) I'm being Hermione Granger

Usualy I'm Aeris from Final Fantasy VII...but i'm not feeling the ancient vibes today

But i have got my intelligent head on, so i guess Hermione will do

Anyone who wants to chat about book 7 feel free 
xx